Tell It.

This weekend my family, like many others, headed out to spend some time with the rest of our clan. We went to Denver, where Mama Bear's brother lives with the sweetest little girl in the world, our niece, who was celebrating her one year birthday. We had a great time, especially at the birthday party, where I found myself drawn to the garage with the "men folk" who were drinking beer, watching Nascar and poking fun at each other. There, I met many new people, each of whom congratulated me on the Baby Bear. I found community with them, as the non-birth parent of a kiddo, and we bonded over the things that parents have in common...which is nearly everything, no matter whether they lie down at night with a person of their same or a different gender. Not a one of them blinked at the fact that Tommy had two mommies, nor did the many kids who were there. It just was a fact of life, despite the fact that we were the only two mommy family many of them have ever met.

While this scene was playing out across our country, the governor of Minnesota vetoed the "Safe Schools for All" bill, which simply sought to protect kids like my Baby Bear, kids who are different in some way (yes, including ones just like Baby Bear who have two moms, but also ones who have a disability, or ones who are immigrants to this country, or ones who have funny ears) from bullying. While I was finding community with people who are so different and yet so amazingly similar to me, my governor was reinforcing that my family, my amazing, gorgeous, remarkable son, was not worthy of protection.

And it may seem, from the scene at the birthday party, that perhaps the Safe Schools for All bill isn't necessary, when even Nascar loving, beer-drinking guys and their kids don't blink at a two mommy family. But sadly, we all know this isn't true. One needs only to look at recent news reports of children, babies really, killing themselves because kids "thought" they were gay to realize that this bill would have really meant something.

But our governor, for his own personal biased reasons, chose to veto something that the representatives of the people of Minnesota resoundingly approved. Maybe because the word "bully" (the bill was often referred to as "anti-bullying legislation") hit a bit too close to home for someone who used a holiday weekend to hide his cowardice. Or maybe because he's never shared a beer with two mommies, or looked at their son and realized our kiddo is no different than his kids, and worthy of all the same protection. For whatever reason, our governor doesn't get that. But I'm going to make damn sure that every person I get to share a beer or a kid story with from now on does.

As we enter the month of Pride, I will dedicate myself to coming out as lesbian parent EVERY CHANCE I GET. You should do the same.

Our Village

I don't know who first coined the phrase "it takes a village to raise a child," though I know it was the title of a book by Hillary Clinton. I'm not sure of the source, and don't want to attract throngs of Clinton-haters to this blog (though don't worry, I don't kid myself that the throngs will ever arrive...) so I'll just say, I don't know who said it, but it is so so true.

Our Baby Bear isn't even here yet and I already realize how true that statement is. We have so many amazing friends and family members already willing to pitch in and help. Aunties T and B cleaned our house better than it's ever been this weekend, part of their gift to us for the birth (one whole YEAR of cleanings, one a month, for Baby Bear's first year). Grandma Bear arrived Sunday and has been SUCH a help so far, getting Mama Bear focused on birth stuff, making delicious dinners and just providing an extra set of hands around the house. And the list goes on and on.

Not a day goes by where one of our friends doesn't drop a note in my inbox or call on the phone and ask "is there anything we can do?" And the amazing part is, they really mean it. We have some soups already on their way to our freezer, offers to mow the lawn and walk the dog, offers for emergency babysitting...the list goes on and on.

And you know what? I think we have so much support because of who we are. I don't mean "who we are" like "Oh, Mama Bear and Butch Mama are SOOO cool and great that people fall all over themselves to help out." No, that's not what I mean at all. We have so much support because we are lesbians. I am sure of this. Here's why: I think women in general are better at offering help and knowing what needs to be done, especially around new baby arrivals. AND, I think our community in general (the greater GLBT, not just lesbians) helps each other out more - the whole idea of chosen family.

I feel blessed right now, even as we discover a few instances where folks we thought would be helpful are decidedly not (I won't name names, but boy, it's a doozy). I feel blessed to have helpful folks to compare those people with to be able to say "Nope, you don't measure up, you're out of the chosen family."

And right now, even as I read things that anti-gay marriage or family folks publish or say, I'm not as angry anymore. Now, those statements just make me feel pity for those folks, because they will never know the joy of chosen family like we do, and their kids will never grow up with this many loving caring individuals around them.

Now if only I could feel pity for those folks who remained nameless up above...the non-helpfuls. The ex-family members. I'm trying, but....nope, not there yet. Still just angry. I'll keep trying though....